Being A Teenage Goth
Me, I've always been drawn to the dark side.
Even from when I could barely talk or walk, I remember the exasperaton I felt when the wicked witch of the west kidnapped Dorothy. Plus, the way I used to already be counting down the days 'til next Halloween when Christmas hadn't came around yet.
I never liked the books that had happy endings. Strictly the ones with the endings of "and everybody lived happily never after." These habits aren't what you generally associate with children - I was barely different from other kids my age. Like any other seven year old, you couldn't wrestle me out of wearing pink, orange or some other colour I'd never be seen in nowadays. In fact, It wasn't until I was twelve years that my interest for the Goth subculture escalated.
My goth pilgrimage started halfway through yr8 when I stumbled across this coming of age book that had this Goth protagonist. I remember finding the other characters your typical 'everyday girl' sort of thing. But the wave of clarity that washed over me when it came to this Goth girl......jeez!
Indoctrinated with her, I was not. Infatuated with her, I defo was. She was just so different, so interesting. The fact that I first of all turned goth 'cause of a character in a bloody book makes me cringe now! I didn't turn all 'bats and black cats' overnight though. It was a process. In the earlier stages it was mainly about finding my style, and what made me feel comfortable.
Stage 2 experimenting with black lipstick and velvet (I barely even knew what these were!) Then at the end of yr8/ stage 3, I decided to take it up a notch and go full out Goth. Unlike many poseurs in my school, I actually did my research. I don't specifically know what it is about the gothic- something within me sparked. It came naturally. I think it's the fact it's so dark, so deviant, so defiant, so deliciously enticing. It made me feel myself. And trust me it's taken about 12 years of my sorrow-filled life to find myself.
Going to a school that pretty much conforms you into the socially acceptable, you can't imagine what it's like being the only Goth there. Plus the endless supply of bullying didn't help either. I don't even think it was the goth malarky that triggered haters off. It was probably the fact I was so sure of who I was. Turns out my new found confidence did come as a threat for them, but luckily a treat for me.
It wasn't all gloom and doom though. I mean, without the pain I suffered, I wouldn't have come across so many new rad things. Like for starters, my 'My Chem' and Biersack obsession wouldn't have occurred. Bass and guitar would be the same thing in my eyes. Most of all though, I wouldn't know how to ignore others' opinions and do what I want for my own reasons. Yes, I do sometimes feel nostalgia. I look back at photos of teens from the 00's. I often wish I was a teenager back then too. It was so much easier to be alternative. People just didn't care.
In the end, being a Goth really has changed my life for the better. I know that many Emos, teen goths and whatnots will probably grow out of this stage- I honestly believe this isn't a stage. It's the end of my old yet the start of a new life for me. Throwing away the old me, that made me build a ship to wreckm allows clarity in my life. I'm not saying being an adolescent and goth go hand in hand easily. Far from! It's going to be hard. Haters are gonna hate. You just have to learn to shake it off, and turn the other cheek.
Ok, so I do still get the odd comment from time to time. People will see me as being weird, evil, rebellious, pretentious, texas chainsaw reincarnated, witch freak... I'd be lying if I said these still have no effect on me. 'Cause underneath all the scary looks and biggest tricks in the book, I'm really just a kid.